In
this generation of Christians there is something very scary occurring and most
of us do not even realize it! The only reason I have noticed it because it is
something within myself that I have been dealing with for the past 12 years; a
journey that has caused a lump in my throat and caused me to be knocked down
further than I want to admit. The journey that I have been on has been like a
towel being rung out with filth to which I thought were all good things, but it
turns out it was just filth. The things that I thought overflowed from my heart
have turned out to be selfish ambition, greed, and hate instead of self-abandonment,
giving, and love. My journey started when I was just 16. I know that is a long
time ago so please stick with me I will make this a quick version…
I
was a 16 year old girl who had a major heart for God. I was willing to do
anything to serve His people which included cleaning a Christian Radio Station
for just $60 a week for gas money just to make it there to minister! I didn’t
care how little or how much I had I just wanted to reach people for Christ
because my love for Him was so deep! I would have visions and dreams of reaching
LARGE amounts for Him. Not too long after that I began to not only clean the
station but I also was able to go on the air…ME…a 16 year old kid. I went from
being on Saturday afternoons, to Monday-Friday’s in the evening, to drive time
from 3-6 every afternoon; a 16 year old ministering to the masses. I was
thrilled to be used by God in this way!
Over
the years I was able to be a part of this ministry in more ways than one.
Unfortunately, I had to leave because of being married into the military. I
loved my husband very much and loved where we were but God had different plans
for us. We had to pack up our house and move to Charleston, SC. Slowly, the
heart I had for God grew cold because I was angry at Him. I didn’t admit this
until about a week ago when my husband and I were having a deep conversation
about where we were now and the entire plan that we think God has in store for
us. I realized in our conversation that…I HAVE BEEN ANGRY AT GOD. I was having such
a hard time admitting this fact! Once I admitted this I was so shameful that
for the past 6 years, from the time that we left the station, I have lived in a
way. Through, our moments of finding a church, praying, and having children my
life has been lived in vain. OUCH!
…I
had been seeking the gift instead of the GIVER!
I
wanted ministry! I wanted to set the captives free, heal the sick, raise the
dead, and bring people to their knees for Jesus. Instead I went from ministering
to the masses to cleaning dirty diapers and being home ALL THE TIME! I longed
so much to be in a place that I could minister again. Through these feelings I
turned into an out of control mom. I became the easily frustrated, emotionally
unstable, and ready to burst mom instead of the patient, loving, and kind mom
that every child needs and desires. I BECAME COLD!
In
our deep conversation last week on our date after seeing, “God’s Not Dead,” the
tears started to pour down my face resembling a waterfall. My husband wasn’t
sure what to say. He just stared at me and said, “You say that you are ok with
where you are but you continue to ask God why aren’t you using me like you
showed me You would? You have to learn to be truly happy with where you are
first. Don’t you think that preparation comes before He reveals the good works that
He wants us to do.” Well, thanks YODA…lol! But in all seriousness he was right!
I just sat there for a second and said, “I AM SO MAD AT GOD!” I shocked myself
as I admitted this fact. Over the years I just said, “I am ok with where I am,
I love You God no matter what, and where I am God use me!” I would say these
things so empty. My words were such a lie. In the moment of my truth telling, I felt SO
MUCH BETTER! I finally let it out and let it go to the most important person to
me on this earth. Then I realized a deeper issue in all Christians today…
We
get to a point that instead of seeing the GIVER, we seek the gift! Ministry is
a gift because He chooses to let us be a part of His amazing plan and lets us see
it firsthand. However, ministry should not be our primary concern. You may be
thinking, “Tiffany, what do you mean because without ministry we cannot reach
people for Jesus and that is what He calls us to do.” YES, you are so right my
friend. BUT we cannot do ministry without the GIVER! We cannot reach people for
HIM without the source…HIM! We need all of Him and He needs ALL of us! We need
to seek HIM and HIS LOVE instead of what He and HIS love can offer!
1 Corinthians 13:1-3,
“If
I speak the languages of men and of angels but do not have love, I am a sounding
gong or a clanging symbol. If I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all
mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so that I can move
mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I donate all my goods to
feed the poor, and if I give my body to be burned but do not have love, I gain
nothing.”
“But
Tiffany this doesn’t apply to GOD! This scripture I have read this pertaining
to loving people, and heard it read at weddings. How does this apply to God?”
My friend I am so glad that you asked that question!
1 John 4: 8,
“The one who does not love does not know God, because God is LOVE.”
GOD
IS LOVE! If God is love and we do not spend time with HIM, stir our affections
for HIM, then what is the point of ministry!? We have been so consumed with bigger
churches, ministering to the masses, coming up with crafty speeches to be the
best message ever, and coming up with the next best drama that we have
forgotten the most important part of all….FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE CREATOR OF
THE UNIVERSE! Now, I can say this with all confidence because shamefully, I have
been the person to do all of these! I have wanted more of HIS ministry, HIS
GIFT of ministry that my heart grew cold towards JUST LOVING HIM!
NONE
of it makes sense without HIM. Church we have to come to a place that we just
LOVE HIM with everything and let HIM DO THE REST! When we die all of this will
pass away! ALL OF IT BUT HIS LOVE! His love for us and His love for others! The
whole point of HIS story is to change HIS-TORY with HIS LOVE! He will not give
up until HE has all of us…every single piece of us and all of that starts with
our HEARTS! If we will just LOVE HIM others will fall at HIS feet, and
everything will fall into place!
John 15: 4-11,
“4 Remain in Me, and I in you. Just as a branch is
unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither can
you unless you remain in Me.
5 “I
am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him
produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me. 6 If
anyone does not remain in Me, he is thrown aside like a branch and he
withers. They gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. 7 If
you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will
be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by
this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.
Christlike Love
9 “As
the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you. Remain in My love. 10 If
you keep My commands you will remain in My love, just as I have kept My
Father’s commands
and remain in His love.
11 “I
have spoken these things to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may
be complete.
GREATEST COMMANDMENT:
LUKE 10:27,
“He answered, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all
your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your
neighbor as yourself.'"
LOVE HIM CHURCH with EVERYTHING! Let us continue to give HIM our hearts and not our deeds first! Quit striving to be the BEST but LOVE HIM THE MOST!
AS for me
where I am today, I am a working progress…but I have started to completely surrender
EVERYTHING; laying down my heart for HIM, LOVING HIM and our house is doing the
same!
Joshua 24:
15, “But as for me and my household, we will
serve the LORD."
DO the same CHURCH…HOLDING NOTHING
FROM HIM!
He won’t relent until HE HAS IT ALL ANY WAY...WHY MAKE HIM FIGHT FOR IT?!!!
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