Lately,
something strange has been occurring on my Facebook page. I have been putting
up word counts every now and then for my status. If it's been hard to put
things together I am here to announce that, yes, "I AM WRITING A BOOK! CAN
YOU BELIEVE IT?" I can hardly believe it myself to be honest. The journey
so far has been so amazing and totally God inspired. My journey started about
two years ago.
The Lord gave me the first
half of the title. I thought, "Write a book Lord? ME? You have got to be
kidding me!" Every now and again I would have this sudden urge to write
but I did not think that I was capable for such great a task. I got bored
during college writing just 3-5 page papers. I had no idea how I was going to
spit out at least a 150 pages for a whole book.
My hands were tied with fear
of failure and I just couldn't bring myself to write anything down. I was being
extremely disobedience. I kept acting as Moses did giving off every excuse in
the book (pun intended). But Lord, I am not great with words. But Lord, how
would I share my book with people, I mumble and my anxiety makes me freakishly red…that is so embarrassing. So, I did what Moses did...I pawned it off of on
other people saying, "Lord, isn't there someone else? There is no doubt
that there are PLENTY of books out there in the Christian world so does there
really need to be another?" I did not think another one was really
necessary.
BUT GOD! He kept chasing me
with an endless pursuit. He wanted me to write. His first step was getting me
invited to the Velocity Conference in Cumming, GA, by our church pastor. A
married couple was unable to attend and he knew that our family had been
praying through a lot of things in our path. Although, writing was the last
thing on my mind because my anxiety had hit the fan all year long and had
spread my emotions all over the place. I couldn't focus on anything for very
long.
Luckily, all of the plans
worked together and we, my husband and I, were able to attend the conference. A
friend of ours was able to watch our kids for two days and we were off to
learn, grow, and be challenged. Our first day there we were given the
"guide to the weekend" and the first thing that caught my eye was a
"book writing seminar." Our pastor encouraged us to go to whatever
seminar we felt led to attend.
I sat in the cold, metal
chair, wondering what in the world I was doing there in the bright green room.
I felt like I was in a fog or having an outer body experience. I watched
everyone around me, super confident about their book idea and jotting down
notes from the guy up front. He stood tall and gave off a lot of excitement
about books. He said, "The best thing about writing is leaving behind a
legacy." I wanted to leave a legacy. I was inspired. Reluctantly, I signed
up for a one on one meeting with the zealous man up front. I thought there was
nothing to lose at this point.
I signed up for another
seminar for later that day. I don't recall the exact name of it but it was
something to the effect of, "How do I get from saying I want to do
something to, I did it." Well, my husband and I were seeking God about all
the stuff on our plate so I thought, this was our place to be! I sat down again
in another chair and I realized I had been super on edge. I had been having small
panic attacks ALL day! I hated panic! I felt like there was literally a WAR
inside of me. Something needed to come out and this man knew it.
When we got as comfortable as
we could he introduced himself. Again I am TERRIBLE at names so I do not
remember his name BUT he was a book writer. He had been at the conference the
year before and went to the one on one session and wrote his book in three
months...I kid you not! He had us write on a card of the "task" we
wanted to complete and write down exactly how long we thought it would take us.
I didn't have a specific thing at the time but I put, "write a book and be
done by next year." I figured no one else would see it so it's not hurting
anything being there at all...right?
The craziest thing happened
that night. After the first day of the conference my husband and I went back to
the hotel, read some, and talked about our day. In an instant the rest of the
title came to me. I wrote it down and knew that was the title I was supposed to
use! I couldn't believe that He spoke so clear to me about it...there is no way
it was from me...there is no way I could of thought of it on my own. I was
excited for my meeting with the author coach the next day.
The next morning we had some
Cracker Barrel yummy goodness and then headed to the church. We got to be apart
of some amazing worship, which was awesome. However, in the back of my mind all
I could think about was my meeting with the author coach. Finally, I got to my
one on one session and met with a publishing coach. I sat down bright
red...that is what anxiety does to me and I hate it! Before I could speak
anything about the book I told the coach sitting in front of me, "So, I
have anxiety so I am probably going to cry!" He spoke back, "It's
ok...once I hear your story I am probably going to cry too."
I didn't get the first word
out before I LOST it! I cried, and cried, and cried as my idea and story poured
forth. I felt like I had been holding back this dam for a long time and it
finally broke and my tears were uncontrollable. I was a shaking mess. He
encouraged me with the gentleness of the Father above. He said, "Tiffany,
you have to write this story. God has placed something on you and you have to
do it." I left wondering where I should start.
We got home the next day to a
very sick child so I was unable to start right away but once I did and
committed this project to prayer, everything came out quickly. I got together a
poster board at first and picked out a picture that I would eventually like my
cover to be, chapters, book dedication, about the author section, and more. I
wanted to "write the vision down and make it plain so that I could run
after it" as it exclaims in Habakkuk 2:2. I was ready!
Once I finally sat down at
the computer I was moving forward fast. In the first two weeks of writing I
already had 10, 000 words. One night while writing I had a major panic attack
but we won't walk about that much. But I was so scared to sit down and write so
I quit for almost a month. Even though I had that hiccup...I started writing in
February and I currently have just under, 45,000 words. Forty-five thousand
words was my original goal to start with. I HAVE REACHED MY GOAL and the book
still isn't done. It is so true what Ephesians 3:20 says about God, that He can
do "More than you can ask or imagine".
He never ceases to amaze me.
Through so many of my friends and their prayers and encouragements from
countless amounts of people I have been able to get this far. There are times
when I am SOOO stuck and He brings the right people in my life to tell me exact
thing I need to hear at that exact moment I need to hear it. Plus, when I need
something extra for the book to flow well, He brings up something to my memory
that fits amazingly.
I am so thankful for this book
that has been laid on my heart for the Lord. Truthfully, I am able to dream
again; for a long time I felt dry, without a purpose. Sure, I am a mom and a
wife and for that I am forever grateful. I love being a mom and a wife!
However, I have always known that God wanted me to do something bigger than
myself. Well, I got it! This book is MUCH bigger than I am!!! I feel totally
unqualified to do this job. BUT GOD IS FAITHFUL! I want it to be His words and
influence through out all of it! Even if it just reaches ONE person...I want to
finish.
So, here I am...telling the
truth about my number count and asking you friends to continue to pray for me.
Pray for healing as I write for myself and for anyone else who will read the
words that God has given me. Also, that when the time comes to publish that I
have the right amount of money available. I know that If it is God's will
nothing can stop it so I am doing my best to lean on that truth! Furthermore,
please pray for my family. I know that as we continue to take leaps of faith
that the enemy will come. Please pray for protection for us, and wisdom as we
step forward in faith.
Lastly, and most
important...I am praying for each of you reading this blog post. I am praying
that God helps you to dream again and that He would speak to you in amazing
ways so that you can reach your full purpose for Him. I pray for your families
and that you would be provided for in every way possible. I am so thankful for
you friends...you will never know how much!
Because with out Him there is nothing else,
TIFFANY
